Em-Slice

I have been going to acupuncture twice a week for the past three weeks. Each appointment, I tend to forget until last minute. I keep going because I keep having intense experiences. These experiences are also the reason that I don’t want to go back.

I have always accepted that western medicine may not have all the answers. It seems to consist completely of science. The love of blood tests, x-rays, and pain killers are just too much for me and since those didn’t have the answers, I turned to Chinese medicine.

I didn’t know what to expect. I had been to a chiropractor kinesiologist, massage therapist, and had even tried some energy healing; however, this was different. Perhaps it was the needles that made me so uncomfortable, not to mention the places they were going. The treatment is invasive, but highly effective when it comes to moving energy. I immediately felt electrical surges running through by body. I also, could tell which points were going to hurt before, the needled was inserted. My rational mind has a hard time understanding how this could help, but intuitively I know something must be happening. I feel like my body is this huge electric server and it gets all jammed up.

The Seed Cracked Open: Hafiz

It used to be
That when i would wake in the morning
I could with confidence say,
“What am ‘I’ going to
Do?”

That was before the seed
Cracked open.

Now Hafiz is certain:

There are two of us housed
In this body,

Doing the shopping together in the market and
Tickling each other
While fixing the evening’s food.

Now when I awake
All the internal instruments play the same music:

“God, what love-mischief can ‘We’ do
For the world
Today?”

I have this reoccurring dream. My teeth fall out. The ways in which they actually come out and my reactions are different with each dream. In my first tooth dream, I lost all my adult front teeth. These teeth would not just grow back, so I began freaking out and trying to find milk. I never make it to the milk much less the dentist. As my reoccurring dream reoccurs, these teeth dreams get more and more complex. My reactions get less and less freakish and sometimes I even know I am dreaming.

Last night was a night for the tooth dream. This time it was an adult tooth and it was rotting. It separated from my gums in slices. It was gross and I really didn’t care. I had the thought, “ I am having my tooth dream,” and just rationalized it away. I would like to know what these dreams mean as it is very interesting that I keep having these dreams about teeth. It is also interesting that they progress with awareness.

I have always been one to go after what I want. If I decide I would like to try something new, no matter how challenging, I will do it. It might take me a little while to prepare, but I can jump right in. Sometimes, I will need to ease into something big. Take meditation for instance, I started with a daily practice over 3 1⁄2 years ago and then went on weekend retreats. Once I felt like I needed more, I went on weeklong retreats. Now I am signed up for a two-month retreat. I am now jumping in and even though I may be in over my head for while, I trust that I can handle it.

My problem is trying to figure out what I want. There are so many interesting things and so many choices. I get overwhelmed and can spend way too much time going between ideas and possibilities. This can be my game for not having to take that chance, for not having to have that first time of something new. Traveling into the unknown is often painful for my ego. The first day of school, the first dance lesson, the first day off work. The list can go on and on. I also am in love with life. I love that I can do anything. I have to realize that there isn’t enough time to do everything. I need to narrow it down.

Then of course come the principles of commitment and dedication. I get over my anxiety and will try something new. It is continuing that I have a hard time with. The actual follow through seems to be beyond my grasp. I have no problem with starting and stopping. I allow my feelings to dictate and sooner or later I won’t feel like it. Perhaps this is the way it goes and eventually something will stick. We will see as I start this new blog.