Em-Slice

One day I woke up and looked around. Where am I? What am I doing here? Things seem like a subtle dream and waking up in this dream, I still wonder when it is going to end. There is a process in each moment and as it flows, it comes and goes. As I relax into this, everything is perfect and it is from this place that I choose to live my life. I practice falling into life and watch from a distance as things unfold in this great mystery. The creative dance we all share. I dance with the stars, the moon, and the heavens. I dream that one day our children will be loved and our wise ones are honored. I value the gifts we each can bring to this unique opportunity to be in the world. The playground of Earth can be full of happiness and full of sadness. May we all find joy and safety.

It is the start of 2007 and I am beginning a new phase of my life. It seems that things tend to move in circles. In the start of 2004, I began a life in Boulder, Colorado and now am living back in North Carolina. I drove across the county at the same time three years ago heading in opposite directions. There are many similarities and differences in where I am now and where I was at that time. In both instances, I moved not knowing where it would lead. I have followed my heart and it is in this space that I hope to create what is next. It will unfold gradually and with each day. This unfolding provides more and more opportunities to surrender, to live in the moment and to enjoy how fortunate I am to have this time to discover another layer of who I am.

When I was attending classes for my degree in Business Management, we learned about honoring diversity as a means of affecting the bottom line. By creating a diverse workforce, a company can harness human potential from different backgrounds. I also learned about the legal side of diversity and how a company needs to protect itself from law suits. These suits were becoming more and more common. However, to actually learn about how to interact with different cultures, you had to take extra classes at night. These classes were free and you could get a certificate.

Over the past few years, I have worked for a place that emphasizes diversity to the extreme. There are forums, classes, workshops, meetings, special task forces, and even a Chief Diversity Officer. The environment is extremely sensitive to political correctness, recruiting from different backgrounds, and white privilege. My question is when does all this importance on diversity actually begin to do more harm than good? When does it become patronizing and when does it actually become harder to be in the minority?

When I moved to Boulder three years ago, I had no idea what was in store for me. Over those years, I have grown so incredibly much in many different areas. One of these is in the area of relationships. I have never had the depth in relationships that I have created with certain people over the past few years. In the past, I held myself unworthy and never thought that anyone could/would be able to hold the depth that I so longingly craved. There was a part of me that was not ready to really put myself out there and to find my own voice. It has been a roller coaster and I am still not where I want to be. However, my nights of crying in the bathtub scared of meeting people of like mind are over. While I still have bouts of anxiety, I have pushed my boundaries enough that hopefully it won’t be as hard next time.

An important thing that I have learned is how much I value my relationships with my girlfriends. There is a power with women getting together and talking about life. There is also a sense of belonging and a sacredness that cannot be created without the presence of women. The intimate relationships created between lovers are different. They are special, intimate, and beautiful. However, the spark is for different reasons and the understanding is on a different level. I am honored to have such powerful independent women as friends and for them I am grateful.

I went to see Babel today. From the preview I assumed it would be intense and from things I heard, I knew it would bring several societal issues to the surface. It was both of these things and more. It spoke of the US and how willing it is to make incidents into terrorist attacks, of the power of communication, and of how different cultures clash. However, it failed to deliver any sort of comic reprieve and turned into a two-hour film about hardcore human suffering. I was also amazed at the underhanded way white Americans were portrayed as ignorant, self absorbed, and downright mean to other races. I find this issue complicated and somewhat disheartening. Nonetheless, the cinematography was amazing. Visually this film is worth seeing as it catches humanity at its lowest, highest, and in all its simplicity. Oh yeah, and the acting was brilliant.

I have five more weeks of stability. I mean the stability that comes from a dependable income, friends, and schedule. This could always go up in flames at any minute and is partly just a false sense of security. Nonetheless, it creates the illusion quite nicely and complements my present lifestyle. I would not have been able to focus on my spritual growth, which caused a lot of instablilty, so intensely these last few years without it.

However, I am now approaching another crossroads of life. The last one was during my senior year of college. I decided that after my graduation, I would move to Colorado. I had no idea what I would do, how I would make money, or even what I wanted. I just knew I wanted to move somewhere I had never been before.

Once again, it is coming time to make changes. This time; however, feels more like an intersection with four stops. I have no idea which way I will go. This uncertainty has been hard and exciting. The possibilities are endless and cause my options to change quite frequently. I am truly looking forward to learning what I will be doing and being open to the growth that will come. Also, I have gained a deeper understanding that nothing is in my control. It also seems as if creating this space for change opens doors to the human potential and a deeper appreciation for life.

There are only a few unique thoughts a person has in a day. I am not sure about the statistic, but I know there is research out there. The rest is like your favorite movie. I can’t tell you the number of times I have watched Pretty Woman. I know every move and word. I watched it with my best friend. She would be Richard Gere and I would be Julia Roberts. We were obsessed.

Seems like that is part of the way the mind works. It finds something and puts it on repeat. Is it just the nature of the mind and if we aren’t careful we will get mixed up in the movie? The line between commitment and obsession is hard to determine. One day I care about making good grades and the next day I am consumed. One day I care about my relationship and the next day I am consumed. This can go for work, TV shows, etc. Even our culture reflects this impulse.

I fill up with beautiful sorrow
The beating of heart
Comforting the lives
Of the amazing human

Living the only thing one has
In the only home for this life
Going to the places where many dare not to go
Behind the depths of the mind

The fear goes away
As the mind eases
The self fades
All is there

Em-Slice

Alright, it is pretty old news by now, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to write about Bush’s doctrine for US control of space. Not sure what he is trying to accomplish with this one. My immediate response was OMG here we go again. We must make space America’s final frontier. Iraq definitely isn’t working, so let’s move on to space. There must be tons and tons of other galaxies and dimensions to invade…..AND WE AREN’T SHARING. Space must be America’s! Long live expanding the empire! Well, I guess there is the thing about other countries bombing us that concerns Bush …..How come I’m not real worried?

Someone told me Kennedy tried to do the same thing, but I don’t know about that one

It doesn’t take much for me to remember the days I have spent trying to come up with ways to save the world. I have gone through countless scenarios and endless professions in my mind. It didn’t take me long to realize that I would need help, but that was ok because I started to find people that were interested in saving the world too. All of us together could save the world. I just had to be willing, patient, and determined.

I am not sure what had me awaken to the idea that the world was not going to be saved. As consciousness evolves, as I have faith it will, humanity will evolve and with that will come a new structure. The whole infrastructure of the world must change. I am not sure what this will look like and I feel that people will make one small change at a time. These changes will be in the structures that undermine the systems that can enhance or destroy human development.